(and why these lists suck)

Blogging

1. Open a blog and write a post daily;

2. Every post must have one of these adjectives in its title:

• Astonishing;
• Amazing;
• Definitive;
• Astounding;
• Bombastic;
• … Any other synonym of the adjective cited above.

3. Write for demented who don’t read, because people is demented;

4. As for point 4 above, write only lists.

5. The list must not be of 10, 20 or any other x10 number. No. It must be composed of 10*X +1 or 10*X -1 (you, like 0.99 cents);

6. The post must have at least one photo, better if it is the photo of a cat doing strange things.

7. If you don’t find a photo of a cat, which is not used already by other gazillions bloggers, you can use any other pet. Better if it’s a puppy.

8. If you don’t want cats, dogs, frogs, horses, tyrannosaurus rex in your post, then you should at least add a photo of Matt Cutts;

9. If you choose a photo of Matt Cutts, better if it is of him hugging a bear or a penguin. Aren’t existing photos of Matt Cutts with a Penguin? Photoshop it;

10. If you are having a writer’s block, make a list about how to solve writer’s block;

11. Don’t get crazy founding topics, just write something about blogging;

12. As an alternative create an infographic. Even if it is just a Venn Diagram call it infographic and underline it in the title of your post (i.e.: The incredibly yet undiscovered relations between the ants, the humans and E.T.);

13. If you still don’t know what to write, scrape some others’ blogs and call it curation if someone tells you have stolen content;

14. Write great content, links will come;

15. Write astonishingly bad content, links will come;

16. Do guest blogging. Aren’t existing blogs in your niche where doing guest blogging or bloggers want to be paid to guest you? Create a blog and guest yourself in;

17. When contacting a blogger for guest posting, say he is the best writer you have read in ages. Remember to change and put the correct name of the blogger in your email template;

18. When you write a post and cite some influencer, make him noticed you cited. Remember to not notify him via email, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or even WhatsApp at the same time;

19. Did you launch you post and neither your best friend left a comment? Don’t worry: create fake users and let them commenting the post;

20. Ah… did I suggest you to write great content?

On Site Optimization and CRO

21. Fill your site of content of any kind as it was a Thanksgiving Turkey;

22. Write content your users will find useful;

23. Use a narrative (don’t know what narrative does it mean? Check Wikipedia);

24. If your site is multilingual or multi country, present the correct version of your site to your users via geo-localization redirection;

25. Don’t worry about 404 error messages;

26. Remember to put your targeted keyword so it represents around the 2% of the words of the page;

27. Point 26 is not Keyword Density, but Percentage Context Relevancy of the Keyword (sounds cooler);

28. Remember to optimize your meta tags;

29. Don’t worry about pagination, Google said it is quite good dealing with it;

30. If you want a blog, put it in a subdomain, because Google told it is treating them as part of the domain name in GWT;

31. Base the categorization of your eCommerce, Portal or whatsoever over database searches;

32. Think and help your users: the more filters options the better;

33. An orange button offers better conversion rate than a blue button. If you don’t believe me go read my “101 incredible reasons why choosing an orange button increased my flat-dead Conversion Rate of an spectacular 13425%”;

34. Act like a Brand;

35. When creating a page you should write between 250 and 800 words to make it unique. Remember point 26 above;

36. Joomla is the most perfect CMS;

37. External duplicated content is not a Pandarank factor;

38. Use mega css menu;

39. Think mobile! Create a mobile site!

40. Site speed is a very minor factor.

Link Building

41. Link graph is dead;

42. Social is the new link building;

43. Don’t worry if you have only nofollowed backlinks. A recent study by SEOjediagainstblackhat.cc shows how nofollowed links have the same power of followed ones;

44. Think out of the box;

45. Do article marketing;

46. Directories still have a sense;

47. In order to avoid a Penguin penalization, you must have the 67,48531% of your backlinks branded;

48. Put a link to your site in the footer of your clients;

49. Great content will attract links even if you don’t rank;

50. Link building is cheap;

51. Xrumer may be used in a White Hat way;

52. Use every guest blogging opportunity;

53. Use private blogs networks. Even if those “private” blogs networks are known by all the industry;

54. If a site has less than 3 PR or 30 PA/DA, don’t accept a link. Its link juice is bad;

55. Get links from wherever you want. If you are caught you can use a link removal tool;

56. It is not you being a spammer, it is Google being biased against web marketers;

57. Don’t sign your comments as “Pre-owned luxury cars”. But “So cool pre-owned luxury car is perfect”;

58. When doing outreach, always tell the site owner you are contacting how beautiful is his site. Remember to change the name of the site’s owner in your mail template;

59. Fake to be a woman. If the webmaster ask you to fix the details in a phone call, talk like Tootsie or ask your sister/mother/friend to talk in your name;

60. Did I tell you that link building is dead?

Social Media

61. Social Media is the new Link Building;

62. Social Media directly influences rankings;

63. Facebook will be the new Google;

64. Social Media ROI does not exists;

65. Be present in every social;

66. If you put “PLS RT” in your tweets, the response will be higher;

67. When using Twitter, follow every influencer in your niche and retweet everything they tweet, also if they are simply saying they are going to see a movie;

68. Retweet even if you haven’t actually read what the hell are your retweeting;

69. In Facebook tag every image with the name of the ones you want to call the attention of;

70. In Facebook you should publish 1 video, 3 photos and 2 status updates per day;

71. Use Pinterest! And Instagram! Oh, your site is about methacrylate? Use Pinterest! And Instagram!

72. Klout Score matters;

73. If you have used Yahoo! Chat in the past, you can be a Community Manager;

74. Now that you can, endorse every influencer. Endorse them also for “Fast Pizza Eating”, if that helps you being noticed;

75. Google Plus is a desert;

76. Google Plus is not a Social Network;

77. Google Plus is Facebook + Twitter + Pinterest + Skype + (add any other Social you want);

78. Google Plus will fail;

79. Your Facebook page is more important than your site;

80. Move the entire SEO budget to Social Media. We all know SEO is dead.

Content Marketing

81. Content is King;

82. Write great content (I think I told it already, but better to reinforce the idea);

83. Write only what your users want to read;

84. Write only what you want to read;

85. Content Marketing is cheap;

86. Coding is not Content;

87. If your Content is great, it doesn’t need to be promoted. People will be attracted to it like iron stuff into Magneto hands;

88. You can’t do Content Marketing in boring niche;

89. Content Marketing is SEO

Inbound Marketing (general)

90. Inbound Marketing is SEO;

91. Inbound Marketing is cheap;

92. SEO is not an Inbound Marketing discipline;

93. If you do Inbound Marketing you will have success;

94. Inbound Marketing is a revolutionary idea;

95. Inbound Marketing sucks;

96. Inbound Marketing denies Outbound disciplines;

97. Inbound Marketing is synonym of White Hat;

98. Inbound Marketing is all about Content;

99. Email Marketing is dead;

100. If you have a blog you are doing Inbound Marketing.

Bonus

101. Google is brand biased.

These are 101 tips I have read in posts, comments, Q&A, forum thread or even heard at conferences (actually not by the speakers, but in the networking moments).

Some of them are clearly wrong, some are simply obvious.

I am not against lists, but I am against bad ones and against the over use of this tactic just because someone once told it works.

Remember, everything that works and give results, if over exploited won’t work anymore and can become even dangerous.

Think about guest blogging: we are screwing it.

Think about infographics: we are screwing them.

We screwed up EMDs, 301 redirections for link building, directories, article marketing, widgets/gadget link building and we are quite able to screw up Facebook, Twitter and any other social…

Be moderate in your Web Marketing practice, or everything will turn Black from White.

And if you write a 101 list… be relevant, unique, don’t re-chew something told already by 1000 others bloggers.

And.Don’t.Use.Astonishing.In.Your.Posts’.Titles